I suspect that if she's smoking, her friends probably are, too. What should I do?

Although teenage smoking is on the decline, that doesn't help much when your child is lighting up.

The first thing you need to do is try to find out why your daughter is smoking. A lot of teenage girls take up the habit in an attempt to curb their appetite and to get or stay thin. Unfortunately, as a diet aid, it works quite well, which means that logical explanations, statistics, and telling her about deadly consequences such as cancer and emphysema probably won't work. Teenagers tend to think they're indestructible or that they'll be the ones to beat the odds. And they often consider catastrophic illnesses to be an old age thing and believe they'll kick the habit long before their smoking becomes a problem.

For similar reasons, telling your daughter that she's setting herself up for a lifelong dependency probably won't help much either. And if you're a smoker, your actions are speaking a lot louder than your words and she'll only accuse you of setting a double standard.

So what will work? If you smoke, quit. Now. If you don't, start by telling her about the immediate and tangible downsides to smoking: stinking breath, foul-smelling hair and clothing, discolored teeth and fingernails, shortness of breath that could interfere with her ability to run or work out, and seeing her hard-earned cash and allowance money go up in smoke.

Many kids today are vehemently opposed to smoking. Even if your daughter started smoking because of peer pressure and most of her friends are smokers, there will still be plenty of kids around who object to the habit, and who may exclude smokers from parties and other group events.

It may take some time to get your daughter to open up, but it's important to let her know that you love her no matter what she decides to do and that you're concerned about her health, her future, and even the future of the children she may have one day.

On a practical note, if you give her an allowance, I'd suggest that you discontinue it as long as she continues to smoke. Let her know that you're not prepared to contribute financially to a habit you know is harmful to her. You're also justified in insisting that she doesn't smoke in your home, in your vehicle, around her siblings, and around other family members.

And finally, offer to pay for a smoking cessation program if she wants to quit and feels she can't do it alone.

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